Relationships

When you want advice on getting your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend back, the one thing you have to understand is that the approach you use will be basically the same no matter who did the dumping.  If you dumped them or they dumped you, there is still a fairly easy to follow path that you must take if you want to reconcile with your ex.  So many people completely mess up and lose all hope of ever getting their ex back.  What you don’t do is as important as what you do. 

Follow these steps:

1. If you are in contact with your ex immediately stop talking to them. If they are calling you but they are turning a deaf ear to your pleas of reuniting than they are just playing with your emotions to build up their own ego.  If that is the case you may want to seriously reconsider if you want to be in a relationship with such a stupid, self centered, shallow person. 

2. Allow yourself a set amount of time to hide out in your home.  It’s ok to spend some time wallowing in your misery and not getting out of your pajamas for days on end.  The one rule you must follow though is that that has to be a very limited time offer.  You have to set a time limit on how much moping around you can do. You  can have two weeks, max.  After that time you have to stand up, shower, and rejoin the human race.  No one is saying that you should be completely over your breakup or your pain, but you do have to start living your life again.

3. Work out, get your hair done, buy some new clothes (don’t overspend though), take a class, brush up your resume and try to find a better job, etc.  The point here is that you should work on doing things that will make you feel better about you.  Take this time to make changes to the person you are.  Make sure you don’t change yourself with the sole purpose of getting your ex back, you are changing because you want to improve the person you are. You are doing it for yourself with the added benefit of getting your ex back, not the other way around.

4. Honestly address any of the problems you brought to the relationship.  If you were clingy or unavailable,  too needy or too cold, or just too quick to anger, these are the issues you need to change if you want to have a great relationship with anyone.  Take this time to figure out the most relationship ending flaws you have and fix them.

5. Now that you’ve spent some time away from your ex and making positive lifestyle changes, it’s time to show off the new you. Call your ex and casually ask them if they’d like to meet for coffee. Make sure you keep it casual.  They will avoid you if they think this is going to be a big emotional blowup.  Just let them know you’d like to know how they’re doing.  During the meeting let them see the changes you’ve made.  If you play it cool and remind them, by actions not words, of the great qualities you have, they may be the one asking you to get back with them.

Getting your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend back isn’t rocket science.  You just have to become a better person and let your ex see the improvements you’ve made.  At that point they will either want you back or they may have already decided that they just don’t want to go backwards. Whatever the outcome is, you’ll still be in a better position to make your next relationship work, whether or not it’s with your ex.

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Getting a lover back can be a tricky proposition.  Come on too strong and you’ll scare them off for good, or they’ll consider you a backup plan and take their time having fun and trying to see what other options they may have, all the while you’ll be writhing in pain as they date one person after another.  Or, come across as indifferent and they’ll be convinced the two of you are over and they’ll find someone else. Either way, you’re screwed.  The good news is that there is a happy medium, a way to let your ex know that you still care and may be interested in a reconciliation without giving the impression that you’ll be sitting around waiting for them to make up their mind.

If you don’t want to seem pathetic, it’s important that you cut out all contact with your ex.  Don’t call, text, email, or just show up at their home or work.  Just leave them alone.  This is imperative if you don’t want them to think of you as a sure thing, waiting on the sidelines.  And don’t worry about them forgetting about you, if you follow this advice, they’ll more than likely hear a lot about what you’re doing from mutual friends.

The next thing for you to do is give up any dumb ideas of making them jealous.  Sure, it may work, they may get jealous but that doesn’t mean that that jealously will make them want you back and even if it did they’d only be getting back together with you for the wrong reasons and the relationship probably wouldn’t work anyway.

What you should be doing is living your life to the fullest no matter how hard that may seem right now.  Go out with your friends, have fun.  Do all the things you like to do but didn’t have the chance to do when you and your ex were together.  Take this time to make yourself a better person, whatever that means to you.

Maybe you’ve been meaning to take a trip, what are you waiting for?  Go, explore.  This will help you in many ways: for one thing it will keep your thoughts occupied with other things besides pain.  Another benefit is that if you send a lot of postcards home to friends, your ex will hear about all the fun, interesting things you are doing.  That will intrigue them.  And lastly, you will expand yourself as a person. All new experiences help us to grow.  Every time we try something new and different, especially those things that scare us a little bit, make us better  more well rounded and interesting people. And that will help you in all aspects of your life, not just in getting your ex back.

Concentrating on living your life and trying to be happy is the best way of getting a lover back.  It may sound odd, but everyone is attracted to interesting, fun loving people.  No one is attracted to someone who seems needy and desperate. Which one would you rather be? 

It’s easy to get obsessed with the idea of getting back with your ex after a painful breakup, it doesn’t matter if it was you or them that decided to end things, it’s still tough to put all the ‘what if’s’ out of your mind. Most people would do just about anything to be out of pain and get their ex back.  Many people want a quick fix and want to know how to get your ex back in 1 hour.  The truth is that it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be able to get your ex back so quickly.  What is very possible is that you can get your ex back if you’re willing to invest some time and effort first.

For the most part, it really doesn’t matter why the two of you broke up, there are some simple steps that have helped thousands reunite with their exes, and if you’re willing to follow them, they can help you too.  Just make sure that you have good intentions before you start down this path.  It’s not worth it to go to all the work to get back with your ex if the only reason you want them back is because they’ve started dating and you’re jealous. 

Here are the steps you should follow if you really want to have your ex back in your arms:

1.  The first thing you have to do is to figure out what went wrong the first time and what part you played in the drama.  Once you’ve established the mistakes you’ve made you have to ask yourself if you will be willing to put in some time to make changes so that you don’t do the same things the next time around.  If you’re not 100% ready to put in some effort and address these issues  you may as well forget it.  Even if you and your ex do get back together you’re just going to have the same problems again.

2.  Spend some time taking care of you.  A breakup can cause an enormous amount of stress on your body, take some time to concentrate on getting back in shape.  Hit the gym 3 – 5 times a week. Doing this will help you out by alleviating some of the stress you’ve been feeling and it will also help you feel more in control and better about yourself in general.  It’s also a good way to give yourself something other than your ex to concentrate on.

3.  Take a trip.  Make a point of going somewhere and doing something that you’ve never done but always wanted to.  This again, will help you clear your head, and live your life to the fullest instead of moping around and feeling sorry for yourself.  Another benefit is that your ex will likely hear about the trip and realize that you’re an interesting person who does interesting things which may be enough to have them calling you!  Even if they don’t call, you’ll have a great way to grow as a person and have some fun experiences ( and get your ex off your mind for at least a little while).

4. All of these steps have been building up to the big ‘reveal’, the time when you casually contact your ex and see if they’d like to get together and catch up. The important thing here is to remember that this has to be a casual easy going invitation.  You cannot make it sound like the two of you are sitting down for some ultra serious ‘let’s get back together’ talk.  If you do, more than likely your ex will say no thanks.